Dialogue is not easy because, without realizing it, we always have something personal to defend. Team spirit is important for a couple, where everyone works for the same goal: one never wins alone, but wins together. In fact, with team effort, sports teams win more easily. Each of the two partners must cultivate a profound esteem for the other, for what one actually is, valuing the other more than oneself, and what the other partner is capable of doing or saying, and promoting their personal fulfilment. In a team, each one is important precisely because of the diversity of roles; everyone must be helped to do their job well, without confusion of roles.

When a problem arises, if the two fight or criticize one another for their different points of view, they both lose and the couple’s bonding weakens. Instead, it is necessary to approach the other with esteem, to listen to the other’s point of view which, despite being different from mine, still possesses the same value. The secret to a peaceful dialogue lies in the alliance between the two partners.

St. Paul said: “Compete in esteeming one another.” (Rom 12.10). On the other hand, when one gets married, he declares publicly: “I promise to love you and honor you for all the days of my life.” Honoring the other partner means esteeming them even when the other has a vision different from ours, desiring to understand it, without submitting it to our opinion, to contemplate “the mystery” and the novelty that the other partner brings.

Let us remember then: to compete in mutual respect.

Maria and Raimondo Scotto
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