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Is there need for an engagement?

Since many couples already live together before marriage, does the Church still support an engagement period? (Marcel)

One learns how to really love another person gradually and thus, there is a need for an engagement period. The argument that living together before marriage is a “proof” of conjugal love easily will not hold up since it is not based on the truth about marriage: a total selfless offering of oneself, which is exclusive.

First, “living together” is considered an experiment – if it works out, the spouses will proceed to marriage. Second, it is not therefore exclusive, but still open to the possibility of changing partners. This kind of pseudo- love will soon be exhausted, and the partners will find themselves sapped of strength before marriage.

Although, they live together every day, but they lack the most precious gift to offer one another: their own future. Partners who live together in fact have never clearly surrendered themselves to one another through a “promise”.

Often the feeling of being alone paralyzes. There is in fact the fear of a commitment to “forever” which, because of “emotional insecurity”, suffocates the dreams of young people, and this is complicated by objective difficulties relating to the lack of a job, or the nation’s economic and social crisis that does not favour or support starting a family, so one remains always open to changes from one affective relationship to another.

If a couple has pronounced marriage vows, but at the same time expresses doubts and fears about their ability to live out this relationship fully, how can they show that the sacrament of marriage is a call to freedom? Pope Francis in Evangelii Gaudium wrote that our Church should be able to attract others (cfr. EG 14), announcing the beauty of marriage through the many beautiful “domestic churches” or families that make up this Church. (cfr. AL 87). It is the best antidote against the “throw-away culture” where even persons are disposable when the marriage does not “work out”.
The church however encourages and supports engagements lived out in view of chastity, in view of preparations for the sacrament of matrimony. It might not be easy, but it’s the best way to prove one’s total love for another and be spiritually ready for the exclusiveness of partners which is an essential element in marriage.

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