Women experience post-partum depression or post-partum blues to varying degrees. This used to be brushed aside but studies have shown post-partum blues should be taken seriously. Men, with their biological egos, are also forced
to take a back seat whenever a new member of the family arrives. Perhaps, you and your husband are going through these normal adjustments that have to be made whenever a baby is born.
A new member in the family
The arrival of a new member in the family always involves minor, or maybe even major, adjustments to a previously harmonious balance that already existed in the family. More often than not, it’s an exhausting process.
When our three daughters were younger, Grandma came to live with us. Together with the joy of this new arrival, we had to struggle to ﬁnd harmony. Nevertheless, we grew stronger together. Sometimes we were discouraged, but in other moments, we realized that the acceptance of our frailties and that of others,’ “broadened our hearts” and made us discover the potential that we did not think we possessed.
Why not try to welcome this period in your lives as an opportunity to grow in depth, and to be more understanding of your husband? When the opportunity presents itself, talk to him and try to listen to him without judgments or expectations.
He is struggling too
Maybe he too is struggling to ﬁnd a new balance as he adjusts to this new set-up or perhaps he could be worried about his ability as the breadwinner to support his growing family. Also tell him about the struggles you try to put up with in adjusting to and accepting another human being.
What is important is that as a couple, you ﬁnd the time to be alone together. Remember that a good relationship between you two is fundamental to your children, just as the air they breathe. It is good to remember that solutions to any problem should come from both of you.
Do not be discouraged. Instead, strive to acquire that inner peace because this new baby needs your smile and serenity. This could mean facing each problem one at a time without the anxiety and pressure of having to solve everything at once.
“What you cannot seem to resolve, entrust it to God, whose love will be able to ﬁx things far better than you can.”
What you cannot seem to resolve, entrust it to God, whose love will be able to ﬁx things far better than you can. It may be helpful to employ a babysitter once in a while, so that you and your husband can have some “alone time” to recharge and reconnect as a couple and share your difﬁculties with someone you trust who can help you start anew.
Inevitably, as the children grow older, there will be yet new balances to ﬁnd. But each time it will be an important moment for human and spiritual betterment to face difﬁculties together as a family.
Maria and Raimondo Scotto, and Jenni Bulan