HomeArticlesFear of Adulthood

Fear of Adulthood

I fear becoming an adult… can you help me understand myself? (CJ)

Fear is a natural phenomenon in everyone’s life. Basically it is a desire for self-preservation, be it physical, psychological or spiritual. The natural tendency in front of the object of one’s fear is either “fight or flight”, to confront or to escape. In your case, you have a tendency to escape or avoid, or to “fly” from adulthood. But sooner or later, it will catch up with you, and understandably, to fly away from it would be an exercise in futility. On the other hand there are many factors involved here which only you can assess.

To have a broader picture and a more balanced point of view, we have interviewed an adult, a grandmother, and a youth, who are all not related.

Marina Gui, a grandmother shares, “These feelings, which many young persons experience today, are different from what my generation went through. We had a strict upbringing, and we could not wait to leave home to lead our own lives, have families and jobs. We wanted to become adults and independent as soon as possible, to show our parents that we would not make the same mistakes they did. Now we look at this present generation, trying to understand it. Perhaps we have showered too much attention on our children, protecting them from the real world, surrounding them with affection, and trying to satisfy all their desires. Today young people in general have a good relationship with their families, and this helps them.

The economic freedom that has led to widespread unemployment has made financial independence for millenials a distant reality, making their continued dependence on their parents a convenient choice, while they await better times. So adolescence today can even last up to 40 years of age, as in the case of a friend who told me that “he still felt like a boy.” We adults need to help these youths who don’t want to leave the nest.

“There are a lot of persons, however, who through their enthusiasm, initiatives or needs, have rolled up their sleeves, and have given themselves work to do. They are looking for new paths, inventing their own jobs, re-inventing the family business, becoming young adults who breathe fresh air into all fields. With regard to our grandchildren, we should not repeat the mistakes of our generation, and we must help them “spread their wings” and leave home soon, giving them the freedom and the room to fly, while continuing to accompany them at a distance, for their own good.”

Marco D’ Ercole, a youth also offers his thoughts, “Youth is supposed to be the most beautiful moment of life. In fact, adolescence is a very good time in life. This is the period where one grows into an adult, and discovers the whole world around, looking for what one likes to do, what one enjoys. Then finally, one is allowed to do certain things. It’s like a kind of rebirth. But not everything is smooth sailing. Indeed, there are many worries that plague young people at this stage.

“Youth is a period with its highs and lows. Some days we feel on top of the world, while at other times we feel like “ants”. Sometimes the mirror tells us that we are the most beautiful person in the kingdom, and other times, it shows us what we don’t like to see, so we want to change our physical appearance or our way of being that we do not like at all.

Then there are the quarrels with our parents and friends, the constant tiredness that would keep us glued to our bed, enveloped in boredom, school attendance that takes up so much time, with deadlines and projects, quizzes and exams… peers who will push you and the latest fashion trends that force you to conform or be left out. There are those fleeting and superficial friendships that can be broken through a text message, and the ease of making new “friends” just by liking someone’s post on Facebook.

“What a strange period in life! Maybe that’s the reason we don’t want to become adults. What’s most absurd is then to have adults tell you that later on, we will miss all this. Adolescence can be a beautiful time – sometimes you embrace and own it, at other times you just want it to come to an end, but mostly you are madly in love with it! Of course time passes by quickly, and then adolescence will be just a beautiful memory.”

It is interesting to learn from someone who has been through that uncertain phase in her life in an era where things were less complex than today. Having experienced life and is now looking back at how it was, Mariana can advise the new generation of parents how to raise adolescents, and which tools are important for the youth to have in order to become effective adults. Marco, on the other hand, still with his life ahead of him, has a mixed feelings of dread and hopefulness about what today and tomorrow will bring for him.

He seems unaware of the blessings he enjoys now as he is anxious about the challenges he goes through on a daily basis. The reality of the pressures the youth faces today were not there 20 years ago, which is why perhaps Mariana could not provide a definite answer. She instead cited a paradoxically conflicting answer: independence but not too much of it.
To strike a balance, maybe adults should help and provide occasions or structures where young people can discover themselves, their talents and gifts, and where there is room to make mistakes and start over again. From young people, what is asked of them is a readiness to learn, to be open to changes and dialogue, and to acknowledge the value of suffering and pain which are key ingredients for growth and fulfilment.

Another important element is to learn how to value the present moment, as it is the only thing we have. We have to believe that on each person, young and old, God in his great love for us, has a wonderful and beautiful design which is revealed only in time, in each present moment.

Fr. Am Mijares, Jenni Bulan and Ting Nolasco with Marina Gui and Marco D ‘Ercole

DONATE TO NEW CITY PRESS PH

New City Press Philippines offers all its articles for free; we would appreciate a small donation to help us continue serving you with relevant content.

For donations please click the donate button. 

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here


Must Read