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The Heresy of Impatience

Have you ever wondered why you flinch at the sight of someone else banging their head on the door, as if you too felt a certain amount of pain with them? Or feeling disgusted yourself after seeing someone have bird poop fall on their heads? Have you ever considered yawning as infectious, and why so?

Social Psychology and Neuroscience attributes all these events to our capacity for empathy. Empathy, simply defined, is the ability to understand and share others’ feelings, perspectives, and reality.

It is the root of many positive psychological characteristics, such as compassion, charity, patience, and altruism. Psychologist Steve Taylor describes empathy as the channel hrough which we connect with people around us, while compassion for them is what flows through that channel. The result of this is altruism, or the desire to do good for the sake of the others.

In our day-to-day lives, we develop this ability at home, in the workplace, or in society. You may recognize practicing empathy when you find yourself with a friend listening to him rant over the heavy traffic, or feeling excited for a colleague about his new promotion. As social beings, we possess empathy which is vital to communications, working together, and building and maintaining relationships. No wonder researchers believe that our affective capacity for emotion-matching has ancient roots in the evolution of mammals.

Although persons have varying levels in their ability to empathize, it is said to be hardwired into our brains. The part related to this process is the right supramarginal gyrus of the brain. It not only assists us in recognizing emotions of the other person, but also distinguishes the similarities and differences between one’s emotional state from that of the other.

Case studies involving damage to this area of the brain show a significant decrease in empathetic relationships, emotion-matching, and an increase in egoism. The right supramarginal gyrus is also part of our mirror neuron system, which identifies and mimics postures and gestures of others. These mirror neurons are responsible for the possibility of
our yawning at the sight of another person who does!

“You will see that making yourself one with your neighbors is not time lost; it is all time gained.”

How then do we develop our empathetic ability? Research professor Dr. Brenè Brown describes four attributes of empathy. The first step is perspective-taking, or the ability to see the world as others see it or recognizing it as the truth. To do so, one must set his own perspectives aside to step into the reality of the other.

Second, is letting go of judgements. The first barrier to empathizing is when one jumps to conclusions, even only mentally, after hearing the other person’s first 10 words. Third, recognizing emotions in ourselves and in other people, leads to the last attribute in communicating these emotions.

The concept of empathy has been taken a step further by Chiara Lubich, the foundress of the Focolare Movement. The charism of the Focolare is unity, and one of its pillars is to “Make ourselves one with the other.” In her talk at Rocca di Papa in Rome in 1982, she refers to how St. Paul made it his life’s mission to make himself one with all— “To the weak I became weak. I have become all things to all people, that I might by all means save some” (1 Cor. 9:22).

empathy versus impatience
Photo: JONATHAN LARA

He understood this duty taking Christ as his universal example, He who became man in solidarity with mankind, uniting himself to our weaknesses, shortcomings, and even our sufferings. Chiara advised, “Make yourself one – with everyone, in everything, as much as you can, except in sin.

In the case of anything sinful, dissociate yourself. You will see that making yourself one with your neighbors is not time lost; it is all time gained.”

What does this mean? In fact, it’s not always easy to do. Matthew Silvan, in his book “Lazarus, Come Out!” clearly described how many people are skeptical about this kind of living. The only way to reach unity is to abandon our high ground, by having patience, understanding others’ perspectives, being willing to wait, and giving up our ideas.

Heresy of Impatience

And why aren’t we able to do so? He describes this as The Heresy of Impatience, “Of course, there will always be the impatient and the violent who think that time spent in waiting for others and in understanding others is wasted. History is full of disasters caused by the violent temptation of wanting ‘everything right now.’ It is the heresy of impatience. No wonder that Christ has seen suffering as something positive.”

In this way, empathy is not only a key-player but is also essential to our being good Christians. More than just putting ourselves in the shoes of the other, which is an often lacking definition of the word, a deeper kind of empathy allows us to do acts of kindness for the others.

An empathetic person is able to find in his own psyche a concept, emotion, or experience whereby he understands and feels for the other person, more than just the situation or circumstance itself would warrant, and therefore enable him to make himself one with the other.

Even more so, the common moral teaching of all major religions to “Do unto others what you wish others to do unto you,” often called The Golden Rule, expresses the same moral imperative in such a concept. This teaching comes from our ability to empathize with the others, which means our moral belief of doing good to others is influenced by the mirror neurons of our right supramarginal gyrus!

Karelle Bulan, B.S. Psychology Cum Laude UP Diliman (2016). She wants to be a Neuro-Psychiatrist, and will pursue medicine next year.

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