There are moments in a couple’s life that their differences of opinion (which are usually enriching) become an obstacle, thus threatening their harmony. How many times have we been in similar situations? How many stressful decisions have we had to make?

Disagreements are inevitable in any relationship. It is important to first acknowledge this fact: that they are not necessarily bad. On the contrary, conflicts are integral for growth and development to happen. Thus, constant communication between the two of you is vital.

Perhaps the first step to breaking down that ‘wall,’ is to listen well. Why not try to put yourself in the other’s shoes and understand the seemingly incomprehensible? We know it is not easy. We all have certain degrees of internal conditioning, fear and fragility that we have inherited from our past that prevent us from freeing ourselves and listening objectively to our spouse. As the other speaks, we tend to let our emotions overwhelm us with prejudices and we disapprove of his/her ideas even before he/she has finished speaking.

To listen effectively, we need to practice. This is undoubtedly challenging. Let’s start with the awareness of our own limits. Then we try to forget our thoughts, not to formulate answers while the other is still speaking, to ‘walk in his/her shoes.’ You will be amazed at how striking the results can be.

We have also experienced the usefulness of postponing major decisions when there are more uncertainties than certainties. We should take care and have the patience to wait and not be impulsive because, in the course of time, we often mature and look at things differently.

And if you still cannot reach an agreement, it can be useful to talk with another couple or with someone whom you both trust; someone mature who understands the dynamics of family life. This way of doing things with others will broaden both your perspectives and help you look at things more objectively.

“Without counsel, plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.” (Proverbs 15:22)

Maria and Raimondo Scotto, Ting Nolasco and Jenni Bulan